She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
