Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The beer is more important than you right now.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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