I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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