I hate your face
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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