i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
