I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
