What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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