if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize