He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
