Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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