Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
