I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
