Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
