Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
