Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize