ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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