God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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