I wish my penis had an off switch
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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