then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
