Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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