if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
