Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's great music for shaving your balls
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
