Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
