Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
zippers are such a cool invention
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
