Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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