I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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