Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
