how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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