Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
