I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
