Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
