We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
