Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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