i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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