I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
