So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
