We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
