Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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