u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
