If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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