Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Every concussion has its silver lining
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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