Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize