What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
