Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
