We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
