Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
