Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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