well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
