So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
