The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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