Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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