Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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