So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
