Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
