i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
