i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
