My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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