He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize