1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
