we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
