What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
