Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
