I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
