My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
