Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
