I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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