butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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