You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
