I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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